Simply Asking Gets Me Nowhere
Am I the only one who can ask a simple favor from my family and its like pulling teeth to get it done? Why, why, why oh why do my requests require a follow up threat? I am constantly in a state of anxiety and feel like a total witch because I have to eventually get mean and nasty to get anything done. Come on now, family… its time to revisit the saying known around the world, “If mom’s not happy, nobody is happy.”
Yes, I have lupus and fibro fog and tend to get overwhelmed easily, but you would think that my family would see my frustration building up after the 3rd or 4th time of me asking for something to get done and just do it because I said so and because they love me and want to help me out. NOPE. It’s all in one ear, right out the other; lets see how long we can get away with things; pure laziness.
Case in point: The dog has reverted to peeing and pooping in the house. I am totally disgusted with the fact that she is doing this and am trying my hardest to keep up with all of the rules that internet sites have to offer on this topic:
1. Take the dog out every 20 minutes or so to one specific spot and stay with her.
2. After 10 minutes bring her back in whether or not she goes to the bathroom. If she does go to the bathroom, give her a treat immediately.
3. Crate the dog at night and any time that you leave the house.
4. Firmly scold the dog (but do not rub her nose in it) for any accidents she has in the house and bring soiled rags used to clean up the accident to her designated bathroom spot outside.
I am doing all of these suggestions to the best of my ability (I am home alone with my 3 year old starting at 8:00am and from 3:15 to 6:15pm with my 6 year old), so I do have distractions. When my husband gets home from work, he does not do a thing to help me with the dog and no matter how many times I have been telling him that I am frustrated with the current situation and could use the help to get her on the right track again, he still has done nothing to help me out. This morning I said to him to find her another home and that if he doesn’t I will. Now, all of a sudden he says that when he gets home from work today he will take over and help me out. Why does he have to take me to my breaking point? Doesn’t he know that stress is no good for me?
Another example: I was at the store with my daughters yesterday looking around for clothes that fit me. I started my journey with them by saying, “I would like for you girls to be on your best behavior. If you girls are good you can watch a movie and have oreos after dinner.” In unison, they screamed, “Yay!” I thought to myself, perfect! I will be able to be in and out of the store in no time, no distractions to hold me back!
Wrong…
While at the store they did everything short of lighting the place on fire. They ran through the aisles, held hands and danced around in circles, hid under clothes racks and sang at the top of their lungs. I asked nicely to please stop and behave. That didn’t work. Step 2 was to start threatening. I said, “If you do not stop right now, you will be going to your room as soon as you get home.” That worked for about 5 minutes, and then they were right back to being destructive little heathens. Step 3, the last step I took, was telling them that party time was over and when they got home they were going straight to bed.
The girls suddenly got quiet and stopped what they were doing! Wow! BUT… as my luck would have it, that very last threat I made before just giving up lasted a total of 3 minutes. I was done stressing out over their behavior and to be quite honest with you, I just from there on out ignored them. Yes, I was one of those moms that let their children run amuck and do whatever they pleased. I was so overwhelmed with brain fog that I could not concentrate and I got dizzy and nauseous from being so incredibly pissed off that I just plain old ignored their behavior and went about my business as best as I could.
I quickly finished up searching the clearance rack for inexpensive chubby steroid clothes, got in the car with the girls and did not say a thing to them other than letting them know that I was extremely disappointed in their behavior.
We got home and I told the girls to get their pajamas on. Within 5 minutes my husband was home, already aware of the situation that had taken place due to our phone conversation. He walked into the girls’ room and let them know that they would be eating dinner in their beds and then going right to sleep. There would be no tv or computer games for 2 days. Of course they cried and apologized a million times, but it was too late for apologies.
Those were just 2 examples of being walked all over and not listened to. The list can go on and on forever. And everyone wonders why I am in a constant state of anxiety. Why does it take threats for anyone to listen to me? Maybe I should do the same to my husband: send him to bed for not listening. Haha! I could only dream!
So where is that secret place that moms hide out and get the pampering they need and deserve? Seriously!
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about 3 months ago
Oh sweet lady how I remember those days. Hang in there, when they are grown up and come over to have their first loves meet mom for mom’s approval, these days of stress and anxiety will all be forgotten. When they bring you your first grandchild, all the pain of self sacrifice will be healed.
On shopping, what works for me is shopping online. Take measurements and make it fun. This week I got a used but looks like never worn blouse from ebay for $8 shipping included. I could never take my ADHD son shopping, he would have been all over the place.
The only way I can describe raising my 3 children was having to pour 3 glasses of milk from a pitcher that had no milk in it. I HAD to pour the milk or the children would suffer. It was beyond hard. Sometimes I thought I’d surely go mad
You may need to crate the dog to retrain him. Who has time to take a dog out every 20 minutes for goodness sakes. Put the dog in the crate, take him out to walk and praise his potty, food and water, watch and play, then back in the crate. You may only need to do this for a few days. I trained my dogs to potty outside but also on a pee pad inside because I’m not well enough to watch Youki outside. I call Youki’s crate his “time out” lol
God Bless You
: )
Ayah
about 3 months ago
Aww…sorry to hear you are frustrated. I will say that, you did the right thing by standing by your word.
If you continue to stand by what you say, your girls will realize that Mommy means business!
If you get a chance to go shopping alone, that would help-I know it can be hard with little ones, but I also know that unfortunately, their attention spans are so short.
Something you could try is, buy a pack of colorful cleaners, and let shopping be the only time they are allowed to play with them-tell them to make lots of neat figures and twist them up in lots of neat ways!
As for the hubby, not sure what to say about that, except that communication is key, and talking is better than yelling-NOT that I’m saying you yelled at him!
I still haven’t been on Twitter much lately-I miss yakking at you!
I need to go-gotta clean the kitchen!
Take care!
about 3 months ago
I remember those days all too well. I wish that asking someone to help and they do it the first time work in my house but it doesn’t. I’ve started not even asking anymore. I do what I can and if things don’t get done and people have to live in a dirty house, oh well. I stay in my room where I have almost everything I need. Believe me, people get tired of the place being a mess and start to clean up.
When you find the place that we can get pampered and treated well, let me know. I’m looking for it too.